we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize