Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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