apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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