Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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