Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
