my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
