I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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