Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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