I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
