How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize