homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
