We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
