Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize