Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
