I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize