She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
