Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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