i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ambien. No doubt about it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
