i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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