I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
