the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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