So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
