I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize