Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
