Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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