Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
