Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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