Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
