it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just pee around me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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