I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
