I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
