Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
