great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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