Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
