I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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