I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my shit smells like andre
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
