I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
