I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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