I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
