the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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