worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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