At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
