you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
someone owes me an orgasm
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
