Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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