WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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