So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
