I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
