We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
