He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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