3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
