ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
