My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
