3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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