I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
