i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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