did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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