i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
