I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You smell like stripper and shame
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
