so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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