i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize