dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I deserve this hangover.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
