That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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