Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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