Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
