So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
