Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
