Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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