Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
